I just finished filling out the third-party report for Chris's mom's disability claim.
I'd never thought of the many ways she's incapacitated at once before and it just reminded me how much her situation sucks, and how she should be dead by now.
But she's not, and if there was a worse way of handling her condition, I don't know what it is.
Goddamn pride. She's full of it.
Despite the gaps in her memory, despite the brain damage, despite her physical difficulties, she's utterly convinced she should be able to handle this all by herself and that if she hands over control, she might as well be dead.
Her pride is her biggest problem at the moment, and unfortunately its not just affecting her. It affects the rest of us too, as we struggle to keep a roof over her head and her pain meds filled despite her either being passive or actively working against us. She doesn't want the help, and it galls her to need it.
It makes taking care of her difficult at the best of times. There's a reason I drive her around; I'm the best at biting my tongue and I bite it a LOT. But at times that doesn't even work; sometimes what I think is completely innocuous small talk will set her off for one reason of another. She has huge gaps in her memory so referencing an old event sometimes upsets her, because she swears it never happened or if it did, that no one told her or invited her. I swear, the paranoia is intense. The only reason I survive as her "aide" is because, for some reason, she likes and trusts me (this would make me a rare creature indeed).
It's a difficult situation to be in, and if she was anyone else I would have thrown my hands up and said, "fuck it" a long time ago.
But she's Chris's mom. She needs taken care of. If we don't make sure she's taken care of, no one will. And since he can't take care of her, some of this load falls on me. I do it not for her, but because by making sure she's taken care of I'm easing his mind. And because I'm doing it for him, I can put up with just about anything.
But I do wish this was over, and I do wish she'd give up her goddamned pride and live in the real world with the rest of us.